I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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