she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
