my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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