hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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