ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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