Michael Bay diarrhea
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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