I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
