mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
