we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
