You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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