So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
