1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
