can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
