help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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