Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
