I murdered the dance floor call the cops
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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