bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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