Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
