From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
