Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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