Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
