I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
