If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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