He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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