we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
