Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
