cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
