So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
