I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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