you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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