It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
false alarm, still single
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
