dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
