wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
