She's JV to your varsity
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
