You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
