I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
