i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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