He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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