morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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