I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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