3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
