I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
