I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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