I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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