I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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