Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
