God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
