She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
