I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
