you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
