We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
