i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
