kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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