you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
