let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
