If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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