I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
