You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
