I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
