I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
