Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
