my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
