we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
