Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
