dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
