I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
