I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
