I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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