I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize