As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize