You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
