but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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