last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
