dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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