The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
