i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
