If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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