whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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