Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
