I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
