I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
