you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
