ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
