after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
