There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
