I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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