i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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