I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
