just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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