I'm going to jail i love you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
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